someone get that fucking seahorse.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Randomize
