How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
