As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
