he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
