You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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