I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
don't judge my taste in strippers
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
