i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize