I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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