If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
