The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
