how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
In America we eat man semen.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
