She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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