hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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