hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Bang-toberfest begins!!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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