Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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