I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
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