There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
