so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
