I think my vagina is haunted
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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