he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
