Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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