I just saw a hot homeless man
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
