dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
