too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
