It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
