Just cropdusted the office
im holly from the hills drunk
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
