So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
