Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
