What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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