I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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