My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
