Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
