Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
COCAINE IS GR8
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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