FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
