yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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