This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
