Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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