we're chasing vodka with high fives
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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