Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
