Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
