I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
