its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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