Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
