Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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