I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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