I think my fart just growled at me.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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