on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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