with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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