fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
