I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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