So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I am midnight drunk by noon
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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