oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
