I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
