I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Randomize
