I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
My cat gives me a boner
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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