I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
