well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
