thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize