You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
