Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
