This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize