I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
