Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
This is my gift to your gina
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize