Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
