was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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