At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Everclear isn't food dammit
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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