If i come over, it means nothing
We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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