Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize