after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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