His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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