It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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