it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
