My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize