She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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